so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
