you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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