This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
