I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
