and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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