community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
