please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
