i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
