i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
