His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think im going to throw up on grandma
are you so shy because you have an std?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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