I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
