Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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