the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
