I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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