i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
