He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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