White coat. Heels.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
