I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
