like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
