I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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