That's when you crack a 10am beer
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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