Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
