I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
