i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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