I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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