Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
false alarm. still invincible.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
