we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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