She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
