i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
