From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
