I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am one with the molecules
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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