I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
