Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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