haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
