His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
