i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
