I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
