Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
