no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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