you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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