i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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