then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it's like iHOP with fire
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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