why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
