My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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