...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
