last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
