yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Randomize
