well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
