That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
