I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
