Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
