She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
