i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
