your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just gargled with NyQuil
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
