So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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