My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
