I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
