she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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