It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
