I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
