stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
