I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
