This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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