I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
