I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
