Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
