why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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