We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
