her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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