Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
