so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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