wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
