did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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